Am I ambitious? Or Just a dreamer...

I've always had low self esteem.
That is something I've come to terms with over the past few years.
Meeting me, one would probably never know it.
I don't really talk too much about it.
But it's there.
I think it's due to a majority of things:
growing up being the tall awkward kid with glasses that none of the guys ever talked to, my brother & his friends making fun of me at school, having beautiful friends that always drove the guys crazy.
As a teenager, I let it get in the way of making decisions.
I had to be pushed by people to do things.
I didn't even want to apply to university because I thought I had a terds luck of getting in. Only 150 kids accepted into the program I wanted. Why would they pick me?
"Just try and see ..." my mother would say.
And i did.
And i got it.
But since then some things have changed.
I have this whole new mentality if ... If you never try, you'll never know.
And that's what I did for my internship.
I sent out oodles of applications across the US hoping one would bite. One did, but I didn't want it. And the one I wanted the most, The Today Show, never even acknowledged me. I sent two applications. I e-mailed the coordinator.
Nada.
And it's not like I don't have the experience or capability. Because I do. I think it's the whole "she goes to a school in another country that we've never heard of" that scared them off.
it just sucks.
when you want something so bad and you don't get it.
I can't even begin to explain how much I wanted this.
And I was initially afraid to send off my resume because of this.
BUT I have no regrets. I think it would have bothered me even more if I didn't ship it out.
Thoughts racing around my mind .. well what if I had...?
Because if you never try, then you'll never know.

And Everything does happen for a reason.
Good and bad, it does.
To teach us a lesson, to shape us, to show us, to help us grow.
This just wasn't meant to be.
But the good news is, I did get an internship.
One considered amazing over here in my country.
So perhaps someday I'll work my way up to The Today Show and that internship -- just wasn't meant to be.